Treacherous tombs. Exciting escapes. Dangerous dames. All is but another adventure for…
On today’s issue- Griffiana Jones and the Temple of Medbury!
When we last left our intrepid adventurer, he had recruited the help of his former flame, the femme fatale, the professor, who led Jones to Howard Hall, where they discovered an ancient idol of the Medbury cults’ worship. Narrowly escaping the collapsing ruins, the duo set out in search of the Temple of Medbury…
Griff studied the golden idol he had risked his life to fetch. It didn’t look like much was special about it, but the professor had insisted that it was the key. She was leading the way, pushing Griff in his baby carrier for efficiency’s sake.
But even the relative peace of this leg of the journey was not without its own set of perils. Across the vast campus, roving bands of students would catch a glimpse of Griff, and descend upon them, cameras at the ready for selfies.
“We don’t have time for this, we must run!” The professor picked up the pace, attempting to out speed the sleep-deprived students. She hurried the pair down the street of paint, turning them left and right, trying to lose the crowds. But the students were not so easily dissuaded. With the adrenaline of a starred buck, they made a mad dash after the pair.
“Bark bark!” Griff shouted, looking over his shoulder at the nearing horde.
“We’ll never lose them at this rate! We must hide!” The professor turned the stroller on a dime, threatening to snap one of the wheels off, and veered straight through the open doors of a building, slamming them shut behind her. She jammed the stroller underneath the doorknob just as the first wave slammed into the door. They knocked, but the stroller was holding, barring their entry.
“That should hold them a while. Hopefully long enough to figure out where-“ she stopped abruptly, and as Griff turned to look at her, he saw why. They were standing in a circular room, chairs lining the walls surrounding a central stone dais.
“We’re here.” The professor whispered. “The Oreon-Scott chapel. The gateway to the pits of Medbury.”
“Ruff. Bark woof bark.” Griff began circling the dais, attempting to figure out how it worked.
“Here.” The professor pointed to the altar. “Just place that statue down on the slab.”
Griff did so, and the professor pulled a mallet from beneath her dress. She smashed it to pieces, and rearranged them into a large D. She dragged one of the shards across her hand and held the cut over it. As the blood dripped down, the chapel started to shake. The building began to spin, and a wall emerged from the ground, bricking over the door. The chapel began falling, then slammed to a halt like a penthouse elevator cut from its wires.
“We’re here.” She walked over to where the door was, a pushed the newly formed wall over. They stepped out from the chapel, and saw a vast cavern, darkness encroaching from all angles. As they walked the narrow path over the chasm, blue crystals began illuminating the cave from either side of the bridge. The crystals began rising and soon a large pyramidion structure stood before them. The professor ran forward, and swiped back at Griff, causing him to stumble.
“Ah ha! You’re just as foolish as the day you proposed to me! You’ve taken me right to the Temple!”
“Woof!” Griff gasped for breath. “Bark bark bark bark bark!”
“My plan? Well, that’s quite simple. This temple is where all former Drake presidents are buried. I will begin a ritual to raise it back to its rightful place above the surface, where Medbury now stands, and when I do, Drake will have a new gender neutral bathroom!”
“Grr,” Griff slowly climbed to his feet, not necessarily morally disagreeing with her plan, but bowing to the whims of adventure serial tropes to stop her.
Griff whipped his whip out, whipping it in the direction of the professor.
WHIP
The mallet flew from her hand, and clipped off the edge of a crystal, drawing spiderweb cracks across it. The crystal flickered, and the cavern began to shake. The professor shrieked, and Griff sprinted back towards the chapel.
“Jones!” The professor shouted, outstretching her hand towards him, “til death do us part, my love.”
Griff paused, hesitating at the chapel entrance. He pulled his hat down over his eyes. “Ruff woof woof woof bark.”
A single tear traced its way down his cheek, but he turned his back on the collapsing ziggurat. He brushed the shards of the idol away from the altar, and the chapel began to rise back up to the surface.
Though the Temple of Medbury was lost forever, Griff had escaped, and the next morning, received a letter from Peru about an ancient dig site. Grabbing his hat and whip, he set out, once again.
And so ends this week’s tale of…
Join us next time for a death-defying venture through the mysterious depths of the Amazon, escaping supernatural forces, sailing through piranha infested waters, and inexplicably finding a new love interest of the week far from civilization!