Many of the people who, throughout 2019 and 2020, dominated public consciousness have since retreated into obscurity. What are these politicians up to now?
Written by Carl Yaeger, Photos by Sydney D’Andrea
Andrew Yang
The entrepreneur from New York was reportedly despondent about having to drop out of the race and proceeded to prepare for a rebound campaign in New York City, just to get over his loss. Embarrassingly, he had a hard time keeping it up. His poll numbers, I mean. He is rumored to be trying to elect himself and not worry about other people.
Joe Biden
This one will shock you: did you know that Joe was President? You’ve hardly heard a thing from him, I know. You heard the stories of a disastrous exit from Afghanistan, the inhumane handling of asylum seekers at the border, the lack of coherent agenda, and you assumed that Republicans were still in charge. But Democrats, believe it or not, actually control both houses of Congress and the Presidency. What do they have to show for it? If you know, we want to hear from you. Email us. Please. We’re desperate to find out.
Bernie Sanders
Bernie’s schedule has been chock full lately. He’s gone to the post office, the pharmacy, the grocery store, the bank, and the library (gotta love socialized reading). All this has been incredibly hectic on top of being the only one actually pushing Biden’s agenda.
Amy Klobuchar
Amy Klobuchar’s concession speech has recently entered the thigh-slap and lean forward “well, it’s getting pretty late” phase. She is expected to officially announce her intention to withdraw from the race by July 2022.
Pete Buttigieg
Mayor Pete is now Secretary of Transportation, which means he can go pro with his train enthusiasm. He has used DOT resources to fund the construction of a huge and, as he told us over the phone, “awesome” train set across the entire basement of his house. There have been five derailments, according to the Bureau of Transportation Statistics.
Beto O’Rourke
Amy Klobuchar’s concession speech has recently entered the thigh-Always looking for an opportunity to employ rudimentary Spanish, Beto has been playing Boots, the anthropomorphized primate sidekick, in the titular show Dora the Explorer. He reportedly insists on standing on tables while reading his lines in the studio.
Mark Sanford
Former Republican South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford actually ran for president, but we’ve been unable to find a picture of him. Instead, this is a picture of what we imagine he probably looks like.
Mike Bloomberg
After Mike could not get it done, he retreated to a wind farm upstate. He can be found stopping and frisking anyone foolish enough to pass by the sidewalk in front of the room where he and Andrew Cuomo are sulking together.
