Fashion is in, fashy is out

by Josh Peterson

The cultural world around us is changing rapidly in many ways. A side effect of this change is the rapid proliferation of alternative fashion. It is therefore incumbent upon me, dear readers, to let the Drake population in on the latest trends.

In this week’s fashion news, the Alt-Right takes a move straight out of left field as it adopts what has come to be known as the “Eagle Cut,” in which hair is parted in the middle and swept back, evocative of the titular bird’s wings. The Left has responded with their popularising of the “Rainbow Roman,” a mohawk dyed the colours of the rainbow so as to symbolize a centurion guarding the values of free expression.

Richard Spencer has had a fruitful partnership with French fashion designer Philippe Normain, who has released a custom Spencer “Jacques Boot” collection. His wife, Helene Normain, has introduced her own counterpart “Frau Line” series of black leather women’s footwear.

Presidents tend to set the generation’s fashion choices.any Americans have begun to look to Donald Trump to update their sense of fashion. Sales of extra-long ties, preferably in red, have increased by 20%, corresponding with an increase in sales of off-the-rack heavily padded suits with little tailoring, although this may be chalked up to the Halloween season that is fast coming upon us.

With the new season comes new trends in business wear. Men are trading out belts for braces, as many say that having belts installed on their teeth produces an uncomfortable sensation. Suit lapels are stretching wider than in previous years, especially in Japan’s black market suit-making industry, as the illegal traders of Tokyo say they do not pay much attention to their diet. While informal trilby-style hats are coming back into style, my attempt to speak with a wearer of these hats was cut short when he sought to tell me the merits of anarcho-libertarianism. It was scarcely four hours later when I managed to escape unharmed, mentally or otherwise.

And with that, we conclude this week’s fashion column. A parting message to the relentless Frenchmen who love stage productions and wish to steal my pet cat: As I have said many times before, he’s young, scrappy and hungry, but I’m not throwing away my chat.

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