Welcome back, listeners. Each week here at Drake Community Radio we like to profile a randomly selected individual on campus. We seem to overlook those that make our community so diverse and vibrant and want to take time to spotlight some of the accomplishments made by certain citizens of our community.
So today, precious listeners, we are going to dive deep into someone’s life, uncovering their deepest and darkest secrets. Nobody knows who is next, even I don’t know who is next. I cracked open my handy dandy Quax (yes, they still make them), flipped to a random page and selected an individual from the many faces. And so, today, the lucky victim is…Millie Kernish! TAG! You’re it! This is an honor to have. I even took the care to walk on over to University records and find Millie’s classified student dossier, which they graciously handed over. Millie is a sophomore triple majoring in Graphic Design, Law, Politics and Society, and History with minors in Spanish, French, Theatre, Music, Dance and…. sorcery. We’re going to have to double check on that last one, folks so we will get back to you. Millie is from Chicago, but not Chicago Chicago or even the suburbs of Chicago. She was born in the innermost part of Chicago that not many people know about, even I didn’t know it existed until now. As her file explains, there is a secret city inside The Bean that holds the true city of Chicago. Who would have thought!?
Millie is your typical Drake student, majoring in as much as they can, but still finds time for extracurricular activities. She’s part of Model UN, Debate, executive council for her residence hall, Phi Alpha Theta, Delta Theta Pi, writes for Drake Magazine and is even the lead in the opera this year! Millie is a busy girl but manages to maintain her perfect 4.0 GPA and gets the recommended 9 hours of sleep a night. How does she do it?!
Listeners, there is also this fun little story in her dossier that I want to share with you. One night, not too long ago actually, she was out having fun with her friends. They thought it would be a great idea to explore all the buildings on campus late at night and try to scare each other. They started their journey in Aliber, then proceeded to Meredith, Harvey Ingam and then Cline. Their next stop was in Medbury but they thought why not stop at the chapel first. And so they did. Sidenote: there are those of us who know, and those of us who don’t, the chapel should never be walked into during the night. It is actually a university offense to enter the chapel late at night for reasons unbeknownst to me. There is also a well-known Drake myth that if you speak the words “D’s get degrees” three times while inside the chapel, you will be blessed with good grades for your undergraduate career. Pick your poison I guess.
Upon entering the chapel, nothing seemed amiss for Millie and her friends. It looked like the same creepy chapel that it does during the daytime but with one exception: a small orb hung high above the dais. The orb was black but shiny, about the size of a pebble and it was emitting a low hum. The group did not notice it at first but once they were all stationed around the dais, they could make out the orb’s shadow on the stone slab as it hung mysteriously above their heads.
The friends all looked at each other and began to utter the phrase. The first time nothing happened and they thought it was all a joke. After the second time, they could see the shadow on the dais growing larger and after the third time, the shadow was so large the orb itself was eclipsing all the light in the chapel. Millie took one look above her head, staring deep into the now room-sized orb. The orb stared back. Millie thought it was a trick of the light but there was no light, only orb. Something deep down inside her knew that nothing bad could come from the orb so she clambered onto the dais and stood directly under it. She reached out one hand and before they knew it, Millie was gone. So was the orb.
Well Drake Community listeners, it seems we have made an error in our selection. Millie is no longer a student at this university and nobody really knows what happened to her after that night either. Her friends can’t offer much more about the events that transpired but they did verify that everything did happen. Millie was a beloved member of our community, with a brain as special as could be, organs, blood, and skin just like you and me but with a ferocious appetite for the unknown. Her organs…I mean personality will be truly missed.
Stay tuned for the next broadcast, which features the sounds of animals screeching at 100x their normal frequency.
Farewell Drake. Until next time.