Around Drake I watch the happy go lucky students walk by. They seem content in their lives, happy even, while I agonize over spreads, award entries, and potential job applications. For me, it’s easy to identify which students are freshmen, which are sophomores, and so on. I can see the life and excitement in the freshman as they continue on with their classes and friends as though life has all of the joy left in it. Then, I look in the mirror. I see the dark circles under my eyes, the frumpy sweatshirt with popcorn and coffee stains on it, the nest of hair piled on my head, desperately pleading for a brush and an escape from the scrunchies that have seen better days. I have lost that joy in my eyes and instead, a look of fear resides in them. I am a senior and every day as I step closer towards the “Real World” I feel my contempt for freshmen grow.
I am a Senior in college and I hate freshmen.
I hate freshmen because I can see the fresh starts on their faces, the wealth of opportunities and their will to live and look semi-attractive in their day to day lives still existing. I hate freshmen as they block the walkways and wear their dinky lanyards around their necks and wear their high school shirts around proudly as though they are markers to help attract a mate. I hate freshmen as they haven’t experienced the pure self-loathing that comes with getting a professor who gives pop quizzes or multiple group projects in a semester. I hate them because of their still semi-toned muscles from high school sports, a muscle tone that I myself have lost during the three years of C-store snacks, Hubbell, and delivery food. I absolutely hate freshmen because of this.
Some might say that my hatred stems from jealousy. Of course, I’m jealous. I have to look at the bouncy, peppy looks of new students exploring the campus, fawning over Old Main and the Knapp Center rather than the true heart of campus, Meredith Hall. I have to watch them ask the library workers how to find a book, or ask for a reserve book or movie for their inane FYS. My hatred grows as they should’ve paid attention during Library Orientation in their FYS and left the poor library workers alone. It goes beyond the Library workers and expands to the Sodexo staff and facility people cleaning their bathrooms. It spans to freshmen asking professors to use the bathroom and it goes on to them walking on the left side of the sidewalk (MOVE!). I hate every facet of them and their existence.
I used to be a freshman and I like to think that I was different, that I was ‘cool.’ I know that in fact, I wasn’t, and for the freshman hopefully reading this I hope you can learn from this what you should and shouldn’t do. I hope that the freshmen reading this will realize why I hate you. Just know, that as much as I hate you, I also pity you.
As you progress through your education, a loss of joy in attending classes will occur no matter how much you ‘love to learn.’ As you draw closer to graduation and the prospect of entering the ‘Real World,’ you too will become like me and hate the new class of freshmen as you realize that no, it’s not jealousy coursing through your veins as you watch them stupidly order coffee from Olmsted for the first time. Instead, it is pity as you realize that they, just like you, won’t appreciate their time at Drake as much as they should until it’s too late.
So, from a senior to a freshman, appreciate it now, before you too have to step into the ‘Real World,’ and leave your freshmen-mocking days behind, because while I hate freshmen, I miss being one.